Archive | Balkans

not ready to say goodbye yet

January 1, 2013 at 6:55 pm

on a hike near our home in Sicily in early January 2012

I’ve attempted to write this post several times and it just isn’t flowing out of me. “Goodbye 2012, you were great! Bring it on, 2013!” That is anything but what I feel right now. When you stare at your computer screen, attempting to write, and then end up sobbing in bed instead, you know there’s no joy in your heart about sweeping out the old and welcoming the new.

How do you say goodbye to a year in which your baby sister died? How do you make yourself look forward? How do you celebrate what a new year could bring when this last year brought such sadness and loss?

The tears were mostly caused by looking back through old photos and videos. I was trying to find a photo from a year ago that I could use in my post, but this search led me to albums of images from the trip my family and I took to the Balkans last year. I found a video of Dec 31, 2011, when we were exploring Zagreb, Croatia. It was just a simple clip on my iPhone, but it included a scene–such an ordinary scene!–with Elliott and Julia standing side-by-side and taking pictures of my parents with Zagreb behind them. At the end of the video, Julia walked forward to show my parents the picture she’d just taken on my dad’s phone. Everything about that moment was so ordinary, so familiar: the way she walked, the shape of her hands, the expression on her face as she glanced at me to see if I was done filming before she started talking. She was so real in those few seconds, so present, so alive.

I guess I haven’t watched any videos of her since she died; maybe that’s what shook me up so much. Or maybe I am so busy a lot of the time that I just don’t think about it. Unexpected moments like this take me back to Square 1 of grief again.

And so… I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m still in the denial stage of grief. (Actually, what I really think is that you go through all the stages multiple times… probably for the rest of your life.) And so, on this New Year’s Day, I hold many different emotions in my heart. Sadness as well as joy. Sorrow as well as hope. Disappointment as well as thankfulness. Anguish as well as peace.

I often go back and read this letter from my dad, which reminds me of truths I confess, truths about Julia, truths about life even when the night is very dark. Truths that give me joy, hope, thankfulness, and peace, even in the midst of sorrow.

This will be, I do hope, a beautiful year for our family. We will be welcoming a new baby in about 4 weeks! We will be making important decisions about Elliott’s career, our life after Sicily, and the future for our family. I also have a lot of personal goals and hopes, which I’m eager to share with you soon. Even this blog will see some exciting changes. We have good reason to be hopeful, thankful, and faithful.

And yet… there is this fear that instead of respite from turmoil and sadness, I may in fact experience more turmoil and sadness, or worse. I wonder if I was just living in a happy bubble before Julia died and now I really know “the truth.” The truth that most of life is sorrow, that the peaceful times are the exception, and that sadness and suffering is the rule. It’s a rather bleak picture, but perhaps it’s a more accurate way to view this life. What do you think?

11 :: in Balkans, grief, Julia, my faith, thoughts

12 countries in 12 months!

April 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Note: Sorry some of these pictures are all fuzzy, folks! Elliott noticed the resolution is fine when you click on the photos and go through them as a slideshow.

Our little Lena turns ONE tomorrow! Our little baby isn’t quite such a baby anymore. I could hardly have imagined — no, I didn’t imagine, not in my wildest dreams — how much joy this little one could bring into our lives. I remember my fears and eagerness at this time a year ago as labor began, wondering what was ahead of me both in the immediate hours as well as the days and weeks and months of mothering the child inside me. Well, now I know, and I am only grateful. Little Lena, how we love you!

Lena gets a special gift for her birthday: visits from her aunt Eden and two of her grandparents. Eden arrived last week and Elliott’s parents arrive tonight. Taking advantage of the hint of summer in the air and a really good deal on plane flights, we took a short trip to Malta this weekend. As we walked through the airport on Friday night, I commented, “I think this is Lena’s twelfth country in twelve months!”

Elliott wasn’t so sure. Together we counted off on our fingers: “Born in the States; took a trip to Israel; moved to Italy; visited Croatia, Bosnia, Montenegro, Kosovo, Macedonia, and Albania over Christmas; went to France and Switzerland this spring; and now Malta. Twelve countries! Wow, Lena!”

In honor of this tremendous feat, I culled pictures from my photo albums of Lena in each of these countries. Some of them are better than others, but it is fun to watch her grow and develop in each of them. Enjoy!

United States

Photos from when Lena was first born in Virginia and also from her visit back to the States last fall.

Israel

Elliott was stationed in the Sinai Desert from July 2010-July 2011, although he was able to come home for Lena’s birth. After Lena was about two months old, we visited Elliott in Israel, where we CouchSurfed with Dina and her husband and their 9-month-old baby, hung out on the beach in Tel Aviv, and visited the Dead Sea. From the photo below, it’s amazing to see how Lena’s hair has lightened this year!

Italy

Lena moved to Italy when she was four months old. She had fun on a trip to Venice when she was about five months!

Croatia

In December we started an epic journey through the Balkans with my parents and siblings. Lena racked up quite a few countries that way! She was a great sport through all the traveling, including many many hours in the car seat and in her Ergo carrier.

Bosnia

Montenegro

Such a good eater!

Kosovo

Macedonia

Albania

France

Switzerland

Malta

And now… here’s a teaser! More photos to follow later this week!

5 :: in Balkans, Italy, Lena, travel

and now, Albania

January 20, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Getting to Albania turned out to be harrowing. I do not exaggerate. The drive from Macedonia into Albania required us to traverse two mountain passes in a snowstorm. Although the sky appeared clear and promising before the journey began, that quickly changed as the temperature dropped, our van climbed, and the snowflakes began to fall.

Pretty soon we were driving on a road over an inch of snow, and more snow was falling fast. At this point we began to be seriously concerned and implored our guide and driver to please put the snow chains on the car. In retrospect we overreacted, but they also waited too long to even attempt to put the chains on. By the time the first attempt was made, we were high in the mountains, stuck in a bank of snow, and getting the chains on was impossible.

We did get out of the car at that point, at which point my mom took this picture of me. I do like playing in the snow… even in dire circumstances!

After this pit stop, we traveled slowly down the mountain, snow-chain-less and nervous, creeping along past banks of fresh snow. Finally on the flatland between the two mountain passes we pulled into a mechanic shop to get the chains put on the van professionally. (See the first picture, where we all huddled around the wood-burning stove in the corner of the shop.) At this point we learned that the chains were too small and so they couldn’t go on anyway, not in a mechanic shop and not in a snowy mountain pass. Our driver magically found a larger size, the mechanics fit them to our tires, and we were off again, feeling much more secure.

Our Lena was such a sweetheart that day, managing to smile even after 11 hours of driving. (Note: We didn’t take any photos of her screaming to get out, but we could have taken about 50 of those and it would give you a more accurate view of how the trip went!) We took her out of her car seat at the border between Macedonia and Albania while we waited for our passports to be stamped. She loooved those border crossings. And we hated strapping her back into her car seat after we crossed the border in 10 minutes. Poor darling.

After passing numerous stranded vehicles along the road while we were safe and sound with our snow chains, we spent the night in Tirana, the Albanian capital. For such a deceptive greeting with horrendous snowy weather, Albania itself turned out to be quite peaceful and lovely. After a well-deserved rest, we went on a walking tour the next day.

We visited a museum to get a background in the history of Albania.

We visited a beautiful mosque with an intricately painted ceiling…

… and a very new Catholic cathedral…

… and my parents shopped for hand woven tablecloths after a delicious traditional lunch…

… and we posed for various photographs. The usual.

And that, folks, was the last of our trip through the Balkans! Epic and unforgettable. We loved sticking through the rough times and the happy ones with you, my family, and we’re ready to do it again! Well…. actually… hmmm…

And now goodbye from Albania, Green sister-style:

5 :: in Balkans, family, Lena, travel

Montenegro, Kosovo, Macedonia (now say it again, faster)

January 18, 2012 at 3:45 pm

We blew through these three countries, hopping in and out of the car only to eat and sleep, it seemed like. It was at this point that I started taking fewer and fewer pictures… and taking more and more with my phone instead of my real camera. So forgive the quality of these and enjoy the memories with me!

In Montenegro we spent the night in the lovely old city of Kotor surrounded by thick stone walls. The walls open up to a port filled with luxury yachts from around the world, some from as far away as Washington state, USA. We left the old city and wandered admiringly past the boats until we found this restaurant, where we ate one of the most delicious meals of the entire trip. Mussels and two kinds of soup for Elliott and me, and topped off with a local Montenegrin wine. Bon appetite!

The next morning Elliott took this picture of me doing the unthinkable: numbly strapping Lena into her car seat after our guide told us we had a TEN HOUR drive ahead of us to get to Kosovo. I stared at him, willing him to be joking. But he was not.

And he was not kidding the next day. Or the next day. Or the next day. Four days in a row of 10 hours of driving per day! Our poor frustrated little 9-month-old required almost constant entertainment, as she does not nap for more than 30 minutes at a time in a car. Ai yi yi. Due to the unreliability of public transportation in these countries, however, this really was the only way to see the highlights of these Balkan lands. I will simply say that am grateful that I have seen the Balkans, and I am grateful that we have all survived!

We spent a night in Kosovo and then visited this glorious monastery, which I mentioned before here. The monk who gave us the tour was so soft-spoken and so in love with the place that into our own hearts there came a sense of supreme peace, a sense that we were visiting a truly holy place. For me, this was a great highlight of our trip.

And then at last Macedonia! We spent the night in Skopje, the capital, which is supremely proud of two things: being the homeland of Alexander the Great (on the horse in the photo below) and being the birthplace of Mother Theresa.

Most of us will agree that another thing for which Macedonia will be remembered is the amazing molten lava cake several of us enjoyed for dessert. We smelled these hot chocolate cakes as soon as we walked into the restaurant and waited throughout our entire meal until we could order them. (Lest there be any doubt, these three shared one. I, meanwhile, ate one all by myself.)

And that was about it for Montenegro, Kosovo, and Macedonia. One more country to go: Albania!

5 :: in Balkans, family, holidays, travel

Bosnia

January 17, 2012 at 11:21 am

We flew from Zagreb, Croatia, to Sarajevo, Bosnia, the day before 2012 began. (Lena enjoyed shopping for some duty-free perfumes in the airport before we took off!) I can’t say that the countryside of Croatia is drastically different from Bosnia, but something was different. We were definitely moving away from traditional Europe and into rougher territory, a land burgeoning on prosperity but struggling to get there, and weighed down with a history of war and financial hardship. In addition, we had made a quick shift from a predominantly Catholic country to a predominantly Muslim one; minarets spiked the sky instead of cathedral towers. Old clashed with new, Turkish influence and art met glass-enclosed banks and precise European piazzas. We tucked our hands into our warmest gloves and set off to go exploring.

We all loved our guide, Anand. Such a funny, nice guy… and also an honest one. He really wanted some good feedback on his webpage so that he would keep his job. There aren’t many jobs in Bosnia.

“When you Google employment in Bosnia,” Anand joked, “Google asks you, ‘Did you mean unemployment in Bosnia?'”

Do you like my hat? Elliott bought it for me because he was tired of me wearing his hat (see previous post). I like it too. I’m a little sad to say, though, that that the hat (and a mug inscribed with “Enjoy Sarajevo” in the style of “Enjoy Coca Cola”) was the only thing we bought on this entire trip. Maybe that was just us, and maybe that was because there was a lot of imported art from other parts of the world, and maybe that was because… well… there wasn’t much to buy in the Balkans that was very appealing. That seems a little harsh, I know, but I think my family would agree with me. Oh well, we ate and slept and drove, and so we invested in the tourist industry in other ways, as all tourists do!

Have you ever felt this way about places you’ve visited? And does it make you feel bad? Am I alone in this feeling?

We stayed in this completely funky art deco hotel. Somewhat creepy, actually, with dark purple walls and probably only about 5 other guests in the entire building. (December/January is not the tourist season. At all.)

After exploring Sarajevo, we drove on to Mostar, a lovely riverside city with a strong Muslim/Turkish influence. Lena was exhausted after the drive and needed a nap, so I stayed behind with her while the rest of the family went on a self-guided walking tour of Mostar.

When Lena woke up, she discovered the Nutella jar. Clever, clever child. But next time you might have more luck with the jar instead of the lid.

Later Elliott came to get me and Lena and we walked back together to meet our family for dinner. We stopped at the famous Mostar bridge to take a few photos as the sun went down.

And then dinner, which consisted mostly of meat and white bread. It was delicious, though, and stuck to your ribs. And Lena learned how to give a high five!