Archive | Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series

my last day as a mother of one {Part 2 of 2}

February 8, 2013 at 3:53 pm

Exactly two weeks ago today I gave birth to our precious little baby Gil, an adorable bundle of love. Of course, that bundle of love has currently had me dancing for the last two hours to keep him happy and get him to go back to sleep. (Welcome to my new life!) While I would never go back to live without this precious baby, I must admit that this day I am in the process of chronicling — my last day as a mother of one — is looking very restful right now!

I know this last day with just Lena and myself was an unusually good one; we had no errands or activities on our plate and spent the entire day enjoying each other, mother and daughter, and peacefully playing, eating, walking, and talking together. I also know that these days will come again, perhaps in six months or so, once Lena and I and Gil all have a routine. But until then, this day with just Lena and myself is very much a thing of the past, even though it still seems close enough to relive in the blink of an eye.

Anyway, back to the agenda at hand. We’re picking up again at lunch, where I had leftovers (veggie enchiladas and blood orange salad) and Lena had Ramen (so easy…), blueberries, and yogurt. We shared an apple.

Lena: “My?” (Meaning “more” noddles.)

Me: Drink your soup, Lena, and then you can have more.

Lena: *gulp gulp gulp*

After lunch I got to wash the lunch dishes, something which I knew then would be impossible with two little children. (I was right. So far it is impossible.) Lena occupied herself for a few minutes while I did this… apparently by climbing back up into her high chair and shaking her water cup upside down.

I try to make my household tasks into a game and include Lena as much as I can. Helps me get more done! In this case I had to get the stubs of candle out of the top of the candlesticks. She enjoyed playing with the bowl of warm water while I dug out the soft wax. Then we set up the candlesticks with fresh candles to be ready for dinner that night.

Time to do something that she wants to do. We spent the next hour or so playing on the living room rug. One part of playtime was all 150 blocks through the shape sorter. Whew!

Siena, our Maine Coon kitten and ever-present companion.

Bathroom break. Lena’s playing with a jar of chocolate chips, one of which will be her “teet” (treat) when she is finished. We’ve since moved to giving her a goldfish after each successful trip to the toilet, which works extremely well if you only dole out goldfish as a reward! She loves them and always wants the parent who is with her to enjoy a goldfish as well.

Good girl… cleaning up after herself.

And back to playing, this time with the kitty and also the punch and drop toy we got her for Christmas.

Naptime again! These very yellow photos are due to the mellow, sleep-inducing (we hope) lamplight in her room. Siena snuggles down in her new favorite spot until I nudge her out so I can snuggle there with Lena for storytime.

Two naps in one day… I know I’m blessed! I use the 1.5 hours to clean the bathroom…

… put a few more things in my bag for the hospital…

… and do some dinner prep. On tonight’s menu: Sausage, Potato, and Fennel Chowder with fresh sausage from a butcher in town.

She’s up again! Someone’s happy to see her.

She helps me finish up a little dusting, which for her means using a paper towel for about 3 seconds before announcing that it is “tash” (trash) and running off with it to find a garbage can.

Back to the kitchen to finish up dinner before Elliott gets home from work. Lena tries a sip of my “doose” (juice), Pom and sparkling water. She’s not a huge fan.

We’re in the bathroom again when Daddy walks in! Lena runs to him for a hug, telling him excitedly that she just earned another “teet,” which earns an extra enthusiastic hug and kiss from him.

I stopped taking pictures at this point. I think I thought the routine would be the same with two babies as with one once Elliott got home. But I forgot that newborns don’t go to sleep at 7:30pm and wake up at 7am like Lena does. I forgot that they like to be held, especially while you’re eating dinner. I forgot what it’s like to put your baby in the Moby wrap and rock from one foot to the other while you wash the dinner dishes. I forgot that I might be nursing a newborn in the evenings while Elliott and I are watching Downton Abbey or dong Bible study together or attempting to blog. Basically… I think I conveniently didn’t realize how much a newborn would transform our whole lives, not just the 9-5 weekdays that Lena and I spent together.

So yes, the newborn is here. Gil is here, all adorable 8.5 lbs of him, with his beautiful thick hair and sleepy blue eyes. He has completely transformed our lives in every way, and it is taking an enormous amount of sacrifice so far. We’ve sacrificed having free hands. We’ve sacrificed our free evenings. We’ve sacrificed sleep… oh, so much sleep. We’ve sacrificed snuggles with our daughter (and turned them into double snuggles, which aren’t always easy to do!).

But we’ve gained so much. Welcome, little Gil. How will our days look with you in our pictures?

11 :: in a picture an hour, Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, family, Gil, Lena, motherhood, thoughts

my last day as a mother of one {Part 1 of 2}

February 7, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Two weeks ago today was my last day as a mother of just one child. I didn’t know this then, of course, but I did know that it could be just a matter of hours before Lena would no longer be my only baby. I decided to photograph our day so that I would have a record of everyday life with just me and Lena.

Even though these pictures are from just two weeks ago, I can’t believe how much Lena has changed, much less our whole lives! One example: when she plays with her alphabet puzzle now, she knows about 75% of the letters by name and doesn’t need any help to put the pieces in place correctly. Children grow up so, so quickly.

So, if you will, take a walk with me down memory lane!

That morning, while Elliott showered and shaved, I got the day started in the kitchen. I served Lena a bowl of Raisin Bran (her favorite because she knows nothing else) and a cup of milk. I started coffee brewing for Elliott and me. And then I packed a lunch for Elliott. That day his lunch included leftover sweet potato and black bean enchiladas, carrots and dip, a pear, soft gingersnap cookies, olives from the market, and Triscuits.

These cold days, instead of serving cereal, I’ve been making oatmeal for Elliott and myself. Lena is usually finished with her Raisin Bran by then and asks for a small bowl of oatmeal to eat with us.

While Lena is eating, I like to do her hair. It’s the only time she’ll sit still for me because she’s strapped into her high chair!

After this Elliott left for work and Lena and I ventured out into the cold for a short walk.

She’s pointing to Mt Etna for me, which is unfortunately invisible in this photo. We then wandered through the old streets of our neighborhood and Lena tried out our key in different doors. She was unsuccessful in opening any of them, to her chagrin. I, meanwhile, was relieved that there was no one at home behind any of the doors she tried!

We headed back home to “pay!” (play) for a little while before her morning nap. She loooooves this wooden alphabet puzzle; I think we have completed it at least three times a day together for a month. It’s such a fun, easy way to learn the alphabet, though!

Below is a video I took of her working on the puzzle with me. It’s not great quality and my voice annoys me (I’m learning — slowly — to cut down on the baby talk), but it does capture so well how we spend our days together. Here it is:

After this it was time for her nap. I read a few books to her before laying her in her crib, singing her a song, and murmuring, “Sleep well! I love you, Lena!” as I shut the door.

While she slept I worked on this blog post.

She’s awake! Time for a trip to the bathroom. She was in the middle of potty training at this point, able to tell us when she needed to go but not to be trusted without a diaper on.

We taught her to empty the pot and clean it after she’s done. Finally we found a use for that bidet!

Even just two weeks later, the routine is totally different. She is sitting on the adult toilet now on a kid-sized seat and hasn’t had an accident in awhile. She also doesn’t need a pacifier to get her through the drama of it anymore. Growing up so quickly.

We moved outside to the balcony so that I could fold the laundry that had dried overnight.

Lena — wearing a pair of “big girl underwear” and no pants to help her remember that she doesn’t have a diaper on — played with my muddy boots from a hike we took last weekend. She then asked to be lifted up to make the wind chime sing. I held her up (cautiously, for we live on the edge of a cliff!) after taking this photo.

These are the last cloth diapers of Lena’s that I will wash for awhile, I think! We’ve moved entirely to training pants and underwear. The end of an era.

After that we moved inside to make and eat lunch together. I’ll pick up at this point tomorrow to finish chronicling the day.

If you stuck with me this far, thank you! If you don’t have kids, what surprised you the most about a day at home with a one-year-old? If you do have kids, what looked the most familiar to your routine, no matter where you live in the world?

20 :: in a picture an hour, Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, family, Lena, motherhood, video

these final days

January 16, 2013 at 3:38 pm

I had my 38-week appointment today for our little babe. Hard to believe he could arrive any day! The news from my doctor is that he doesn’t look that ready to come out yet (can’t blame him) and so we’ve probably got another two weeks to wait here… at least. Maybe three weeks. Maybe four.

Or maybe he’ll come tomorrow.

In the meantime, life as it is has taken on a whole new meaning for me. These days are limited. Change is on the horizon.

What will he be like? Quiet and chill? Anxious and colicky? A good eater? A good sleeper? Mothers tell you they are so excited for their new babies–and they are!–but they are also full of apprehension about what this unknown creature will be like. In some ways a mother already knows her unborn child better than anyone, for he came into existence and has grown inside of her for nine months. Yet in most ways everything about him is a complete mystery.

My response to the unknown has been to worry, which is foolish, I know. Worrying will do me no good! But my other response has been to slooooow down and take a deep breath and savor. Life right now is not perfect by any means, but it is good and it is full of beauty. I want to treasure these days up in my heart, locking them away to ponder over and remember forever.

Most of all I want to remember my quiet days at home with Lena. Our days are fairly routine here: awake by 7-ish, breakfast at 8-ish, goodbye to Daddy at 9-ish, nap at 10, lunch at 12, another nap at 2 or 3, and dinner prep starts at 5. In between we go on walks around the neighborhood or I push her stroller into town for groceries. We bake cookies for Daddy. We sit on the rug and play with her puzzles, her baby doll, her blocks, her paper and crayons. We read books before her morning nap, before her afternoon nap, and sometimes in between, too. She occasionally helps me with cleaning, like turning the vacuum switch on for me or dusting side-by-side. We practice words. We dance. We change diapers, we change clothes, we wash diapers, we wash dishes, all day long.

In this world, my daughter is my constant companion, my chatty little shadow, my ever-present friend. When she is napping and I am putting together a blog post and I see a picture of her, I actually miss her. And she’s only been asleep for 30 minutes! And I need the break! But I look at her–her huge blue eyes, her curling brown hair, her petite little hands, her beautiful little body–and cannot believe she is our daughter, and how pretty and sweet she is, and that she exists in this world and loves us more than anyone and calls me, “Mama.”

As some of you know or remember, I’ve felt a great deal of emotional conflict about being a stay-at-home mom. As a result, I am spending a lot of my spare time trying to develop talents so that I can work from home. Yet in this past year I have also fallen in love with this new job of staying at home with my child. I wake up each morning and look forward to the day. (And that is saying something when you consider other things that have happened in our lives this past year.)

With a new baby due any day, I feel a great deal of apprehension about the changes ahead. Apprehension… excitement… thankfulness… and just a bit of fear. And that is why I savor my life as a mother just as it is right now, savor our quiet and uneventful days together, savor today.

9 :: in Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, Lena, motherhood, thoughts

the best butternut squash soup you’ll ever have

December 11, 2012 at 7:00 am

You think I might be kidding… but I made this soup twice last week! I’ve been trying to make more soups and cook vegetarian dinners four times a week, so that might be part of what made this recipe so perfect for us. I think also that the additions of garam marsala (a classic Indian spice blend)*, yogurt, and lime hit the spot for Elliott and me… and Lena too, who is learning to eat her curries along with us.

And of course, the perfect side for a hearty soup is always warm whole wheat biscuits drizzled with honey… yum!

Here’s the recipe with my adaptations. Original recipe from FineCooking.com.

Butternut Squash Soup

Ingredients

2 Tbs. unsalted butter
1/2 cup thinly sliced leeks
1/2 cup finely chopped shallots
1/4 cup thinly sliced celery (halve lengthwise then slice crosswise)
2 tsp. minced garlic
Kosher salt
1 tsp. garam masala (see below for my recipe)
5 cups homemade vegetable broth or low-salt chicken broth
3 Tbs. apple cider
2 lb. butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1/2-inch dice (equivalent to 4 cups when diced)
1/4 cup thick whole-milk yogurt, preferably Greek
Freshly ground black pepper
1-1/2 tsp. fresh lime juice
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions

In a 4- to 5-quart saucepan or Dutch oven, heat the butter over medium-low heat. When hot, add the shallots, leeks, celery, garlic, and a pinch of kosher salt. Stir well, cover, reduce the heat to low, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the aromatics are softened, 8 to 10 minutes.
Stir in 1 tsp. kosher salt and the garam masala.
Add the butternut squash, vegetable broth, and cider, stir well, and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are very tender and the soup is full-flavored, 7 to 20 minutes.
Take the pan off the heat and let the soup cool for 5 minutes.
Working in batches, puree the soup in a blender (fill the jar no more than half full and vent the lid, topping it with a folded kitchen towel to prevent hot splashes). Wipe the pan clean and put the soup back into the pan.
Add the yogurt and 1/2 tsp. of the lime juice. Season the soup with salt and pepper. Taste the soup and adjust the seasonings with more salt, pepper, or lime juice as needed.
Ladle into 8 soup bowls and garnish each serving with 1 to 2 tsp. chopped cilantro.

*Our commissary (military grocery store) here in Sicily doesn’t carry garam marsala, so I looked up recipes and made my own mix from spices I already had. I’ve included the recipe I used and enjoyed below.

Garam Marsala

original recipe from AllRecipes.com

1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cardamom
1 1/2 teaspoons ground pepper
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Mix all spices together and store in an airtight container in a cool, dry place.

4 :: in Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, eat this

Book Review: “Don’t Make Me Count to Three!”

October 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

See my other parenting book reviews here and here.

I picked up Don’t Make Me Count to Three!in my parents’ church library a few weeks ago. The very fact that I did pick it up and check it out, I think, is a sign of the worries in my heart these days. Like I groaned about here, my little baby has turned into a toddler, and she has a lot of ‘tude to show for it.

Of course I love her spunky determination and—within reason—her bright-eyed sass. But ~~occasionally~~frequently she uses that determination and sass to demand that I open a package of cookies for her in a store, or to reply “no!” when I tell her what I would like her to do, or to throw a tantrum at the dinner table. Then it is time to lay down the law.

But how does a mother do that? How do you decide what you will allow and what you will not? How do you respond to blatant disobedience and even toddler rage? How do you control your own boiling anger at the same time? How do you discipline graciously and thoughtfully? And what form of discipline should you choose?

Anyway, end rant. I read Ginger Plowman’s slim, straightforward little volume and found answers to some of my questions. In the end I gave the book four stars on GoodReads (I’d love to be your friend on there!) because I didn’t love her writing style and am not sure if I agree with all her methods and suggestions. However, I’m a young mom, and she is not, and I found a great deal to glean from the book.

Here are a few things I want to put away for future reference:

Part I: Reaching the Heart of Your Child

If you asked me before I read this book what it means to “discipline” Lena, I probably wouldn’t have had a good answer, partly because the word “spanking” makes me really uncomfortable to talk about in public and partly because I just hadn’t really thought about it that much. One huge take-away from this book for me is that the whole act of disciplining Biblically involves not just time out/spanking/whatever you choose but alsoteaching and instruction.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,

but bring them up in the discipline and instructionof the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

The rod and reproof give wisdom,

but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. – Proverbs 29:15

When [our kids] disobey, we think we have done well to say, “That was wrong, and you shouldn’t have done it… (whack, whack, whack) now, get in your room!” When we do this, we have only done half of what God has called us to do. (p 27, emphasis mine)

Now that I know that telling Lena she did something wrong isn’t enough… what do I do? How do I reach her heart, where the sin lies and the wrongdoing begins? The author offers this scenario that illustrates what you could do and what you shoulddo to really get at the heart of the issue and the heart of your child:

A while back, [my son] Wesley was going through a time where he was intentionally aggravating his sister. He would get down on all fours like a lion, snarling, growling, and drooling…. I sounded like a broken record all day long! “Wesley, stop!” Wesley, quit!” “Wesley, Alex doesn’t like that!”

… Eventually I realized that I had to work backwards from the behavior to his heart. Each time he began to aggravate her, we would go through a very simple line of questioning.

Mom: “Wesley, judging from your laughter you seem to be having a great time growling and chasing your sister. Are you having as much fun as you look like you are having?”

Wesley: (raises one eyebrow in curiosity) “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Is Alex having as much fun as you are?”

Wesley: (squirming a little) “Well, no, ma’am.”

Mom: “Tell me, what is Alex doing?”

Wesley: (pausing for a moment and looking down) “She’s screaming and crying.”

Mom: “Honey, are you delighting in Alex’s suffering? Because love does not delight in evil.” (1 Corinthians 13:6)

Wesley: (with a look of understanding followed by a look of sadness) “Alex, will you forgive me for making you cry?”

Now, I know what you are thinking. This sounds pretty idealistic… and Mom sounds super preachy here. At least that’s how it came across to me. But as I read on in the book, I was challenged by this approach that the author takes. As she says in her book, the Word of God does not return void (Isaiah 55:11), and I think she is right to use Scripture as part of her reproof. Plus, she is doing some serious digging here to get to the heart of the issue rather than just telling him, “Wesley, I have told you to stop, and you have not stopped, so go to your room for a 10-minute time out.” Significant difference in getting to the heart of the issue, right?

Of course, I can’t talk to Lena this way now. She’s just 18 months old! So how do I get at the heart of the issue when disciplining her? The next section gave me some guidance.

Part II: How to Give a Biblical Reproof

Two illustrations in Part II of this book encouraged me in ways I can guide and instruct Lena as I discipline her. The first is to provide a way of escape and the second is to apprentice her hand in hand.

Caring for a puppy is a good way to illustrate the first principle. What if the first time the puppy does his business on your carpet, you punish him for doing so… but then you don’t show him the outdoors or praise him for going outside? Instead, every time he uses your rug as his toilet, you punish him severely and never show him a way to please you. Pretty soon the puppy will run into a corner whenever he needs to go, hiding from you and the punishment that is sure to follow. When you come to discipline him, your adorable puppy will eventually turn on you, snapping and biting, frustrated and confused.

What a convicting illustration. How often do I just say to Lena, “No!” instead of taking the time to also patiently teach her what I prefer her to do? How often do I crack down instead of providing a way out for her? How often do I say, “Instead of throwing your food on the floor if you don’t want it, just put it back on the tray, like this,” all the while guiding her hands and then praising her for doing it correctly.

This leads to the second big take-away from this section for me: to apprentice Lena hand in hand. The author includes a lengthy illustration of an old-time craftsman who would teach by literally placing his hands on top of his apprentice’s as he instructed him in the craft. The craftsman didn’t yell at their apprentice for breaking a crucible or spilling molten silver. Instead he took the time to guide and instruct the apprentice hand in hand until the apprentice got it right.

[Y]ou haven’t disciplined a child properly until you have brought him to the point of repentance by requiring him to practice the biblical alternative to his sinful behavior… Biblical discipline involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with the right attitude, for the right reason, until the right behavior becomes habitual. (p 66)

Part III: The Biblical Use of the Rod

Every parent must decide with their spouse whether or not to spank their child. It is a very personal (and now very political) decision. Because of this, I wondered how the author would address spanking. Well, surprise surprise, she does take the position that you should spank your child, and even that there is Biblical instruction to spank your child. I’ll leave this section to you to read; it’s quite interesting!

Spanking aside, there were other points she made in Part III about discipline that stuck with me. There were the worldly methods that parents use to obtain obedience (pp 101-106). Maybe these stood out because… umm… I use them a lot?!

Bribing—“Come to Mommy and I’ll give you a lollipop.”
Threatening—“I’m going to count to three!”
Appealing to emotions—“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me.”
Manipulating their environment—Your 12-month-old keeps pulling everything to the floor that is within reach, and so you rearrange your whole house piece by piece instead of ever saying, “No.”
Reasoning with your child—or talking your child into obedience.

Also, I was struck by her list of reasons why spanking does not work:

1. Lack of consistency—“It is not the severity of correction which will produce obedience; it is the certainty of correction which will bring about the desired result. Be consistent in your administration of discipline. Never, never, never issue a warning or a command without following it through.” (p 113)

2. Lack of persistence—“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

3. Lack of effectiveness—“If little Johnny is sporting an extra-padded diaper and running in circles while Mom halfheartedly administers the rod, the spanking in ineffective.” (p 114)

4. Lack of righteousness—“When the rod is administered in sinful anger or with a wrong motive, the child will resent rather than repent.” (p 115)

There is so muchto ponder in this book. As a young mother, I felt like this book had a lot of wisdom and instruction, as well as the answers to a great many questions in my mind and heart. I so desire to love and guide Lena well, to teach her and train her up in the way she should go. As Elliott and I discuss what I read in this book and decide how to apply it to our parenting, I pray that we will remember these words from the Book of Common Prayer. Our church in D.C. prayed this prayer together every Sunday:

“Lord, you have blessed our [family] with the joy and care of children. Give us courage, patience, and wisdom as we bring them up in the faith that they might never know a day apart from You. Amen.”