Archive | family

“Let’s bake cookies right now!” + Other Musings About Procrastination

November 25, 2014 at 4:09 pm

A sweet photo taken right before the moment Lena decided Gil was too heavy for her.

See?

Dear friends,

Good morning! It’s a chilly one here in Coronado, where the ocean turns the sun-warmed air into low-hanging fog and penetrating damp at night. Our window-filled house absorbs the cold, so I have taken to cuddling up in sweatshirts and these tried-and-true slippers while I sip my morning coffee.

How have you been doing lately? Feeling goal-oriented and focused, or frustrated and not so sure? I’m in the second camp, I think, with a general sense that there isn’t enough time or quiet in the day to get anything extra accomplished.

There’s still more settling in to do in our home: I’d love to hang pictures, buy plants, and organize the piles of Rubbermaid containers and junk in the garage. I’d love to run regularly and wake up early like I talked about in this post (instead of once every three weeks…). I’d like to start some dedicated preschool time again with Lena again instead of running around so much. I’d like to get a haircut (haven’t gotten one since I donated my hair last year!). I’d like… I’d love… I wish…

The other day I started thinking about this long list, and I got so discouraged. Am I just a procrastinator? Am I all talk and no action? I am a stay-at-home mom, my only job is my home and family, I have no excuse for not getting it all done. I’ll never have more time in the day than I have now!

I was beating myself up the other day when I remembered two conversations with two people, one of them who I know very well and one of whom I have just met.

The first person is my grandmother, who is amazing. She is and has always been stylish, beautiful, a fantastic cook, and a cornerstone family member. She wakes up at 5am to walk on her treadmill each day. She never fails to send cards or packages for birthdays, all holidays, and just because.

Long ago, when I was about nine or ten, we were visiting my grandparents for a week in St. Louis, just like we did every summer. “What would you like to do while you’re here this week, Becca?” she asked me.

“Hmm,” I said, “I definitely want to bake chocolate chip cookies and go to the Science Museum… and– ”

“Well, let’s bake cookies right now!” she suggested.

I looked at her, astonished. I meant sometime, but she was saying now? I had just arrived! We had ages to make chocolate chip cookies! A whole week!

But even then, at age nine, I realized my grandmother’s wisdom. We had time right now to start doing what we wanted to do. A quiet afternoon, all the ingredients, and a goal. If we put it off to another day, who knew if it would really happen? This way we would be able to eat chocolate chip cookies all week long!

I never forgot her initiative, her energy, her make-it-happen wisdom that afternoon. I realized all these things also formed the core of the woman I admired, the woman who always sends everyone in her family a birthday gift (and it gets there a week early). The woman who sewed me a whole wardrobe of gorgeous dress-up gowns that I wore to threads. The woman who knitted the blankets my children sleep under every night. The woman who taught me to knit! The woman who makes it happen, stitched with love, every day for a whole clan of people who adore her.

At the same time, though, I know that there are only 24 hours in the day, and I can’t get everything done right away, right now, especially with small and precious children in my care. That cliche about letting the dishes go because your children need you? Most of the time it’s not even a choice. They need you right now.

The second conversation, one I had more recently, encouraged me about that:

Elliott and I took the kids to the playground on Sunday afternoon, and I noticed a small child I recognized from church. He’s African American and his dad is white, so they’re not hard to remember. Pretty soon his dad, Elliott and I were talking, and he told us a little more of his story. He and his wife have three daughters — all in middle school now — and they have just recently begun fostering children with the goal of adoption.

My heart swelled with excitement and longing just talking to him. In recent years I’ve become more interesting in fostering and adopting. However, with our transitional military life and our own young children and our relatively young marriage (five years this January!), it seems like too much right now.

Sometimes I get frustrated, watching the days go by and wondering if we shouldn’t be doing more, serving more, giving back more, accomplishing more. I talk about fostering, or taking my kids to a nursing home regularly, or doing preschool with Lena (where has that goal gone lately??), or running or journaling or waking up early or whatever the new thing is this week.

But what my friend at the playground helped me to realize is this:

There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under heaven.

Their season is now. They can foster now. They can adopt now. They are ready, and they have taken on this challenge. Not when their kids were three and one. But now. During our conversation, his three preteen girls were watching his foster son, and so this father gave us all his attention and chatted away. Elliott and I, meanwhile, talked with the parental head swivel (“where is Lena… where is Gil… back to conversation… where is Lena… where is Gil…”) and excused ourselves more than once to rescue or dust off our children.

We left shortly afterwards and headed home to a lunch, storytime, and putting them to bed for naps. We collapsed onto the couch afterwards, tired, heads ringing, glad for peace and books and time alone together. I had planned to ask Elliott to organize the garage with me then, but it totally slipped my mind. I wouldn’t have wanted to then anyway. I had a precious hour to rest with my husband on a Sunday afternoon, and that is exactly what my body craved and needed right then. I needed rest. It was the season for rest. And the garage could wait.

Sometimes it is good to jump right up and bake chocolate chip cookies with your child. Sometimes it is good to sit still by yourself. Sometimes — meaning sometime soon — it will be right to organize the garage. It is the season for organizing the garage.

But right now… I hear a little voice calling, “Mama!”

And so it is the season for that.

You know?

xoxo,

Becca

14 :: in Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, family, goals, thoughts

Veterans Day at SeaWorld!

November 13, 2014 at 12:56 am

I think Elliott and I are still more excited than our kids every time we go to the zoo or SeaWorld, although I suppose that won’t last much longer! It’s amazing to be so close to such magnificent animals… and even to be able to touch and hold some of them. Unfortunately, my love for SeaWorld has been a little more informed and a little more skeptical in recent years (more about that later), and a visit is now conflicting for Elliott and me. I’m curious to know if any of you feel the same way?

Thanks to being in the military, we are allowed to visit SeaWorld once a year for free, and it’s a treat we’ve enjoyed every chance we’ve gotten. It gets better (and worse…!) every time now that we have kids, I think. Funny how that happens. ;)

We planned our route with the kids at the beginning of the day. Gil was really into it.

First stop: petting little bamboo sharks!

The dolphins never fail to delight. We caught them right as their trainers were working with them, which was like a miniature show!

After his trainers left, this clever fellow managed to flip open the top of his treat box with his nose. He couldn’t get the box to tip over, though, even with a whole crowd cheering him on!

My son and my daughter. Crazies, both of ’em.

Speaking of crazy, why do we even bring a stroller if no one rides in it? Someday I’m going to climb in and make them push me.

When I first saw the “Shamu Show” (orca performance) in 2010, it was so beautiful (Free Willy forever!) that there were tears running down my cheeks at the end of the show. However, these days it is underwhelming because the trainers don’t get in the water with the orcas anymore.

And, of course, the whale (hah) in the room is the way SeaWorld treats their animals. We haven’t seen Blackfish yet; have you? I’d like to see it, even though I know I’ll probably never want to go to SeaWorld again after that.

All that aside, this was the cutest thing we saw all day!

All the petting pools were amazing, and the kids loved gently touching manta rays and holding starfish in their hands underwater.

[Fishy] Christmas decorations already?!

And the day ended with a hilarious sea lion and otter show, definitely a highlight of the day. We were laughing so hard the entire time as the animals and their trainers danced to “Gangam Style” or acted out a CSI episode. What amazing, intelligent animals!

And that’s how we spent Veterans Day. What about you?

I’d love to know: have you ever been to SeaWorld, or do you have an opinion about zoos and parks where animals are held captive? There’s definitely a sad, not-as-it-should-be aspect to places like those, even with all the good they do for awareness, conservation, and endangered animals. What do you think?

9 :: in family, military life, San Diego

Because I Have Two Hours to Write!

October 29, 2014 at 2:36 pm

Beautiful matching outfits handmade by my “Aunt” Leslie of Rosebasket.
If you click on this image, it will take you to her handmade clothing website!

For the past four weeks my sister-in-law Jess has been visiting, and I’ve got to say, having someone visit you who loves to cook, care for children, and can slip seamlessly into your life is an amazing gift. This morning — juuuust as the kids and I were finishing an epic showdown that involved a lotlotlot of toothpaste — Jess said,

“Hey Becca, is there anything you’d like to do this morning? I can watch the kids.”

And within 10 minutes I had slipped out the back door and started speed-walking towards the library. Two hours to myself to write and think! I could scarcely believe it.

I even snapped ridiculous selfies on the way and sent them to Elliott, saying, “I’m on my way to the library to write! This is amazing!”

So let’s just take a moment to celebrate Jess and the awesomeness of having her with us for a whole month:

Cooking AND baking are part of her daily routine, which means I’ve made about three dinners in the last month. Which is amazing. Stay and cook for us forever, Jess?

And anyway, here I am, in the library, writing to you. I thought I’d use this time for a few fun updates…

It’s only Wednesday, but in our household one big party starts today when Uncle David gets off the plane. This is Jess’s last week with us and so David (Elliott and Jess’s brother) and Emily (my sister) have decided to fly out and join us for a few days.

Em just got her ticket yesterday after a few days of deliberation, and Lena and I freaked out with happiness at the zoo, right in front of the lions, and took this photo for her:

I think you couldn’t have happier smiles!

Speaking of the zoo, it was so much fun. I invited my new friend, Heather, and her two boys (who are exactly Lena and Gil’s ages) to come with us, and we wrangled children and tried to get a few words in edgewise and overall had a great time, I think. ;)

Last week, Heather and I also left all four of our kids with Jess (thank you, Jess!!!) so that we could slip away for a pedicure and quiet conversation in a little cafe. I’m thrilled to see friendships forming here in Coronado as our lives slowly take on shape:

L: All four kids looking — if not smiling — at the camera is a major success!
R: Pumpkin spice latte date with a new, good friend.

On a more serious note… it’s happening. “Making room” is happening. We chose to live in Coronado and get this bigger house so we could fill it up to bursting with friends and family, and I rejoice every time I see someone take me up on it. Some friend or family member buy a plane ticket and send me their itinerary, some sweet neighbor show up on the doorstep with something yummy, some new friend bring their kids over and watch the house get wonderfully messy and laugh with me. Praise God. We have so far to go (what church will we go to? how will we offer our home to our church?), but these past few months have affirmed God’s blessing on our choice of neighborhood and home — even so, so far from family in D.C. — and my heart rejoices.

OK, back to fun updates. This past weekend, Jess took care of our kids while Elliott and I went on a 36-hour getaway to L.A.! (Remember my aspirations in this post? They’re happening!)

L: You’re supposed to be able to see the Hollywood sign behind us…
R: Our favorite movie star.

I’ve always wanted to see Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, and… maybe a few movie stars, too. Well, we saw all those things (probably including a couple stars because I realized we don’t watch enough TV to know who most people are), and — best of all — we had some time alone together. We went on long walks, lingered over delicious brunches, stayed at a bookstore as long as we wanted, slept in on Sunday morning, and overall celebrated being best friends and being married. It was just lovely. Thank you for taking me, Elliott!

L: Just another $1.4 million car on the street!
R: All afternoon in a bookstore = our love language

becca-garber-updates-coronado-october-10

L: Reading in bed as long as we liked!
R: Beverly Hills Farmers Market for breakfast and bluegrass.

What else? My parents also visited recently, and one night they took us out to dinner and then to the Lamb’s Players Theatre in Coronado to see Les Miserables. Such an amazing production! If you’re local, the tickets are half off (and almost gone) on Halloween night. Jess, David, Emily, and I are going this Friday thanks to that deal.

My “little” cousins visited from L.A. while my parents were here. They are so good with Lena and Gil. I’m like… how did you guys learn to be so great with little kids? I was not like you when I was 12!

Once upon a time Tyler and Ashley were my ring bearer and flower girl, and now look at them!

My mom also brought the kids this amazing play quilt that she made for Gil. All the animals fit into the pockets of the train cars, and the sun, moon, kite, and an airplane are removable with velcro. It even has little miniature dolls that look like Lena and Gil! Can you believe it? What an heirloom!

And I just saw the kids and Jess across the library looking for me, so my time’s up! It was wonderful. Thanks for reading.

What are YOU looking forward to this week?

xoxo,

Becca

15 :: in Coronado, family, life lately, motherhood, San Diego

When Your Neighbors Can Hear Every Word

September 30, 2014 at 4:54 pm

Image via

I’m not used to living so close to people.

Our first evening in our house in Coronado, we stopped still and listened in amazement. We were eating dinner on the deck, and we could hear the children on the other side of the fence, just 10 feet away from our dinner table, chattering with each other as they jumped on their trampoline. We could see them through the gaps in the bamboo fence. Just 10 feet away! We could watch their parents come out to break up an argument between them. We could hear the words exchanged, hear the inflections of frustration and exhaustion in their voices, see glimpses of their clothes and their gestures and their moving lips.

We turned back to our meal, trying to ignore the lives being lived just a few feet away, as we fed our children blueberries and turkey.

That night, Elliott and I put our kids to sleep and then leaned back on our own pillows to read before bed. It was 8 o’clock, quiet. And then — again! — we heard voices, different neighbors this time: a husband and wife, preparing to eat dinner in their garden.

“Wait! I told you to leave the salmon on the grill for a few more minutes!”

“But it’s done.”

“No, it’s not, look at this. Not flaking! It needs more time.”

I felt my own stomach muscles clench reflexively as the argument escalated. But then…

“Oh, you’re right, honey, I see you’re right. I’ll put it back on.”

I relaxed, impressed with this woman, this new neighbor of mine who knows out to pick her battles. Shyly, I peeked out the window. I could see a middle-aged couple in their quiet garden, he in a woven robe, living out their lives, completely unaware that I could hear every word and observe every action. I closed the shutters. There is a fine line between hearing words unintentionally and watching actions intentionally, and I wanted to respect their privacy.

We did not live close to our neighbors in Sicily. Our house was located on the end of a dead-end street, and the buildings around us were all garages. We lived right below a castle with a large courtyard, so we heard plenty of activity, but we had no windows facing the town or other people. All our windows faced outward towards the countryside: deep valleys, sprawling vistas, and people living hundreds of feet below us, half a mile away.

We liked it. As a mom, I became used it without even trying. The baby is screaming? No one will hear him but my own family. I’m disciplining Lena? No one will hear our interaction, meted out as I see fit. It’s a hot day? No one will see our entire family clad only in underwear.

But immediately our life in California is different. If we can hear them, they can hear us. This is partly because it is HOT here, and none of us have air conditioning, and so we’re all living with every single window open as wide as it can go. And all of us eating outside. And playing outside. And living outside, a few feet from individual decks and backyards, escaping the heat together and practically landing in each other’s laps.

This happened a couple of weeks ago:

“Is it someone’s birthday today?” my neighbor asked when we ran into her on the sidewalk.

“No, not today,” I said, somewhat confused.

“Oh, I thought I heard you singing ‘Happy Birthday’ earlier.”

“We did! I forgot. It’s my sister’s birthday today, and so the kids and I recorded a video of us singing for her.”

And all the while I’m thinking, OMG she heard that?! She can heard everything! She can hear every time I put the kids in time out! She can hear every time Gil has a temper tantrum! She can heard the kids arguing, me intervening, and every conversation we have about poop and pee. All. Day. Long.

Yes, she can hear everything. They can all hear the scattered, louder parts of our everyday lives.

Is there a way to turn this around, to make it something good?

Is there a way to redeem the crowding, to share something other than “Happy Birthday”?

Yes. I’ve been thinking about it for a month now, and I think yes.

What about hearing Lena’s little voice singing, “Jesus Loves Me”?

What about hearing Elliott and I disagree graciously over the grill, like our neighbors did?

What about hearing us talk to our children about obeying God and His Word, instead of disciplining them just because we’re embarrassed or annoyed?

What about hearing us get mad, get frustrated, raise our voices at our kids (we all do, it’s inevitable)… and then ask them for forgiveness?

“I was wrong, Lena, and I’m sorry. I should not have been so angry. Will you forgive me?”

Over the past month, this has slowly become my goal. To let my neighbors hear a life lived out with grace. With frustration, yes. With toddler tears, yes. With lots of “Happy Birthday,” yes. With plenty of failings, plenty of mess, plenty of reality. But also with grace shown to each other, pulled from a source greater than ourselves, filling us up, spilling over, flowing out, shared with others.

Through the windows, across the deck, over the fence, into their homes.

Or over a glass of wine in our backyard. Because I’d like to share that with our neighbors, too.

18 :: in Coronado, family, home sweet home, thoughts

Hello, Coronado!

September 2, 2014 at 9:58 pm

The days are zipping by at a fantastic rate, and before I know it… we will have lived in California for one month! September 7, I’m looking at you. The days have been long but this month has been short.

In an attempt to chronicle these early days, I went through a bunch of photos on my phone (including some from my Instagram), and thought I’d share the highlights with you all today. Come take a walk down memory lane…

My mom and dad arrived the same day we did, and my mom took this photo of us before one of our first walks around our neighborhood. That’s the entrance to our house; I shared a lot of photos of it here. We’re living in a beautiful little town on an island called Coronado, which is located just off the coast of San Diego. Elliott is only 1.5 miles from work, which is also in Coronado.

First things first: we bought a car! We had done a little research and knew we wanted a Honda Odyssey (MINIVAN… ack!!!) so we have room for visitors, friends, and family. As you can see, we put our money where our mouth was the very first time we drove our car. Hi, Mom and Dad!

L: Some things are the same no matter where you live, like your baby in his highchair eating yogurt. I love the simplicity and familiarity of this scene.

R: The same weekend we moved in, our friends John and Mari visited with their son. Lena pulled them around the driveway in one of the many boxes we have around here…

L: We baked cookies and took them to our neighbors which is a great way to make friends! There are a bunch of kids on our block, and we’re excited to get to know them better.

R: Later that week my mom, the kids, and I took my first trip to Target since we moved back, and my mom treated me to a macchiato and the kids to cake pops! Man oh man, those things are delish.

My mom, the kids, and I spent hours walking around Coronado and admiring houses. This one on Olive Ave might be my favorite (but its neighbor comes in a close second). That garden!

Annnnnd the car already has problems. So humbling! So frustrating! Honda said it was their fault due to an issue in the engine and fixed it for us, but the fixing took five days and a rental car.

One night in August, the Coronado Library hosted a pirate party for local families. The kids decorated pirate hats, played games, grilled hot dogs, decorated cupcakes, and danced to a pirate band. I think I officially fell in love with Coronado that night.

Speaking of the library, this happened the next morning. I arrived at 9:50, but the library didn’t open till 10. I watched in awe as a huge crowd — at least 75 people — gathered outside the doors, waiting for the stroke of 10. Obviously it’s a well-loved, beautiful resource for many, many people in this town. I’m definitely one of them; I’ve been to the library almost every day since we got here!

Little Italy Farmers’ Market and breakfast burritos. All more delicious than I could imagine.

On our first trip to the beach, we found an injured cormorant. Elliott the Veternarian-slash-Hero called Wildlife Animal Rescue and then showed them how to gently capture and carry the bird away.

Another day, another beach. This time we were invited for dinner at a friends’ oceanfront house. I love these kids!

L: Lena taking selfies to send to one of her aunts and uncles.

R: Gil in front of the “tea house,” the little studio in our house’s backyard where my dad will be staying every month. He works outside San Diego and spends a part of each month here, even though he and my mom live in Virginia. More details in this post. We’re so excited about this!

Gil fell off the couch and seemed to have a lot of pain near his shoulder, and the kids’ new pediatrician confirmed that he’d broken his collarbone. This photo was taken during the three hours (!) we spent in the clinic that morning getting x-rays and waiting for results. I blew up two gloves and tied them together as a toy, which amused the kids for exactly 10 minutes of those three hours.

L: Marmee and Grampa (Elliott’s parents) came to visit as well! We loved our peaceful week with them, and Lena was especially grateful for a constant playmate. Lena worked on this bead design with Marmee for hours and hours, and they were so proud when they finally finished it!

R: Gil gets my locked phone and somehow manages to have conversations with Siri and take pictures of it.

Elliott is embarking on a new adventure as an urban gardener. He ordered six of these planters and set them up with tomatoes, strawberries, beans, and squash. So far I’m a huge fan of how neat and clean they are on our balcony, and we’re excited to begin harvesting this fall!

L: With access to such a huge library, I’ve been going crazy reading so many books I’ve waited so long to read. This particular one wasn’t great literature, but I ate it up in a day. Here are more books I’ve read and loved lately.

R: Every Sunday evening in the summer, Coronado hosts a concert in the park. We’ve gone to every one that we can, and it’s totally heart-warming to see the whole town picnicking on blankets, dancing by the pavilion, and savoring summertime together.

Everyone is loving our new house, including our Maine Coon, Siena.

L: Playground straight out of paradise.

R: Lena continues to love puzzles, putting them together completely independently and then turning to me with glowing pride.

And lastly, I’ve started running again. After three years of living in a tiny Italian town where jogging was impossible due to narrow streets and nonexistent sidewalks, it’s so refreshing to go for a run outside. I caught this sunrise last week by the bay. Who wouldn’t want to get up for that?!

——–

And now you know a little (or too much…) about our new life here. Thanks for sticking with me through all the photos and stories! Catch you again here later this week, I hope. ;)