Archive | motherhood

naptime diaries

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my babies and me visiting Agrigento, Sicily
 

Ahh… the quiet calm of the house when two babies are sleeping simultaneously!  I’m on the couch savoring every second of the hands-free, sit-down silence.

How has your week been so far?  Somehow it’s already Wednesday.  It’s market day in our town, and today I decided to walk all the way to the market instead of just halfway to my favorite truck.  It was kinda brutal!  I had Gil in our Moby wrap and Lena in our stroller in hopes that Gil would sleep more than he does in his car seat.  (Fail.)  Lena had to stop to use the toilet (ie. some private corner along the way) not once but twice, Gil cried most of the time when he wasn’t lightly asleep, and I should have brought big bottle of water for myself.  But I came home with lots of goodies: fresh chicken and eggs, cured olives, three bags of fruits and vegetables, and caught-this-morning shrimp for scampi tonight.

As little update on our fussy baby… well, Gil is almost three months now, although I can hardly believe it!  He has changed and grown up so quickly; he really can’t be called a newborn anymore.  He recognizes us and coos now, but his smiles are few and far between.  Our theory on this is that he’s just more of a grouchy baby who has trouble sleeping deeply and peacefully, and thus his social smile may come later when he can learn to self-soothe and nap on a more regular schedule. Did any of you have a baby who was more reticent than smiley?

The times when he is awake and happy, though, are more frequent and last longer, and they are the most joyful moments of my day.  Even though he won’t slip into a full-facial grin more than once or twice a day, he does get so excited and so happy when he makes eye contact with me and hears my voice.  His whole face lights up, his eyes get bright and eager, and he kicks so excitedly as he puckers his mouth into a little “O” and coos back at me with all his might.  It melts my heart.

We’ve moved Gil into the guest room now than visitors have come and gone.  Honestly, that’s been a relief.  He still has trouble sleeping, but at least his grunting and snuffling aren’t keeping us up anymore.  Generally he sleeps the first shift of the night in his swing (he will not stay asleep in his bed, even if we lay him down when he is completely asleep… trust me, just last night I tried three times before I gave up) and then sleeps in his bed the rest of the night.  I get up to feed him at least three times — ouch — but lately that means he has slept in till 8am.  I do think a big part of his angst has been congestion (he got sick a couple of weeks after he was born) and reflux, and both of those issues appear to be dying a natural death as he’s growing up.

OK, that was probably more than you wanted to know!  For some of you I think it may bring back a lot of memories, whereas for others it might scare you away from ever having children.  (Sorry either way!)   We’ve been humbled by Gil, who has defied all our expectations as he mostly grumped and grouched his way through his first three months of life.  But the glimpses I get into the warm, sunny child blooming inside of him give me hope for the days to come.  I see the cute little boy underneath who loves his mama and enjoys his sister’s roughhousing and snuggles peacefully onto his daddy’s chest.  These early days will be over before we know it.

Like my friend said the other day, at this stage of life the days often seem like an eternity but the years flash by.  Isn’t that so true?

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Title for this post is inspired by a wonderful blog that I highly recommend!

8 :: in Gil, motherhood, naptime diaries, thoughts

growing pains in this new life

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One morning at the villa with my family (see photos from our week away here and here), my mom offered to watch the kids and sent me outside with a magazine.  Barely 15 minutes had gone by before she was sheepishly bringing me my crying baby… do you think he knew I left him or something? :)

Anyway, Gil and I stayed there for about an hour.  After eating, he eventually dozed off on my shoulder.  I asked my brother to take some photos of us.  Isn’t it such a beautiful setting?  But also, for me, these photos capture a beautiful memory of time with my son.

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To be frank with you, these days have been hard.  Hard in ways I never anticipated. Gil is two months old today, and these past two months he has spent mostly needing me, fussing/crying/screaming, or tenuously asleep (often next to me).  Elliott and I have felt our reserves of patience and perspective draining away, and the result is that we’ve been short-tempered with everyone (each other, Lena, Gil, the cat…).

Basically, in two months Gil has taught us more about the difficulties of parenting than Lena did in two years.

Meanwhile, I have felt such a complete loss of self.  I am writing this while sitting on the living room rug surrounded by scattered toys and unfolded laundry.  Gil is next to me on a blanket, kicking away and touching my knee with his fist.  He is making little noises that tells me his brief happiness will not last much longer.  I am wearing my new uniform — yoga pants, nursing tank top, slippers, and whatever hair style I slept in — and I am struggling to find words in my fuzzy, sleep-deprived brain.

*pause to soothe Gil to sleep*

When I say “loss of self,” I mean two things.  First there is the natural loss of the person I was: someone who had one child, who could keep a relatively tidy house, who put on regular clothes every morning, who managed to leave the house without every trip turning into a “you aren’t going to believe this” story.

But there is also the loss of self because there is very little room for self anymore in this new life.  My baby needs me, my toddler needs me, my husband needs me (and needs not just the leftovers).  There’s almost no time to read a book, to work on a knitting project, to read a friend’s blog, to write a long email.  The natural response to this — selfishness — predictably and frustratingly just sets us all back instead of moving us forward.  And yet selfishness rears its ugly head more than ever when self is continually denied.

I don’t have any well-thought-out, clean way to conclude here, especially as Gil is crying again already.  Let me simply say… these pictures give me perspective.  Gil, for all his anxious tears these days, is still a handsome, healthy little boy, and more than likely he’ll outgrow this stage.  And so will we!

I am so grateful to be a mother.  To be his mother.  I love him so.

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38 :: in Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom Series, family, Gil, motherhood, thoughts

6 Tips for Sharing Your Bedroom with Your Baby

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Have you ever thought about sharing a bedroom with your baby, or — if you’re already a parent — is this something you’ve already done?  There are so many reasons to share a bedroom with your newborn, including lack of space in your house, the ease of feeding during the night, the nervousness of a new parent, and the simplicity of comforting a newborn who is sleeping nearby instead of across the hall.

Sharing a bedroom with your baby can last for a few days or a few years.  When Lena was born, we lived in a studio apartment.  We shared a room with her because there was literally no other option… our apartment was only one room!

With Gil we chose to share our room again because it seemed to allow everyone to get the most sleep.  Gil sleeps better when we’re nearby or quickly available to soothe him when he wakes. As a nursing-on-demand mother, I sleep better when I can feed him as soon as he’s hungry and doze off next to him while he nurses.

Sharing a bedroom has required some adjustments for us, though, because this is our room and our space.  There’s a lot of baby paraphernalia that does not need to occupy space in our bedroom.  The rest of the baby gear can be stashed away in Lena’s bedroom (which is really now — gulp! — the “kids'” bedroom!), ready to be used after the newborn haze dissipates and our lives take on some routine again.

I thought I’d share what has worked for us organizationally during these newborn days.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and advice as well!

1)    Safety first.  Prepare to share your bed with your baby… just in case he ends up in it.

In the first photo in this post, you can see that Gil is lying on a very tidy, uncluttered bed.  Elliott and I brought Gil home from the hospital and transformed our bed in order to minimize any risk of suffocation for our newborn.  To do so, we removed our thick down pillow top and our down comforter, took two pillows off the bed, and turned up the temperature in the room.  Now we can sleep with no more than a sheet on the bed and no more than one flat pillow for each of us.

It’s a drastic change in the winter when you’d really like to snuggle under a thick comforter!  But the risks were too great.  Anytime I nurse Gil in bed and doze off next to him, at least I have the peace of mind that I have eliminated as many common suffocation risks as possible.

If this advice has you nervously looking at your bed, wondering if you should overhaul everything and start fresh, clean, and simple, there is no better time! I recommend Coaster Furniture, which has a lot of beautiful bedding options, including many that would be comfortable and safe for a new baby, your partner, and yourself.

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2)    Keep a minimum of diaper changing supplies within easy reach.

I stored the basic diaper changing supplies on our dresser: diapers, wipes, and Vaseline.  (We use Vaseline for almost every diaper change as a barrier cream to protect Gil’s skin.)  I keep extra wipes and diapers in Lena’s room and replenish the stash as needed.  I also store a bottle of infant massage oil, Vitamin D drops, a bulb syringe, and an infant thermometernearby in our room.

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 3)    Have a good trash solution.

We have a Diaper Champfor cloth diapers and a hands-free lidded trashcan for disposable diapers, wipes, and other trash. I keep all our cloth diapers in a box next to the Diaper Genie.  All of these things are right next to the bed where I change Gil.

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4)    Use all the storage in your co-sleeper, if you have one.

We’ve enjoyed our Arm’s Reach Mini Co-Sleeperand I recommend it if you are looking for a safe co-sleeping solution for your baby.  I also like the co-sleeper because of the pockets on both sides, which I use to store extra burp cloths and crib sheets.  There is a storage compartment underneath the mattress that is great for storing swaddling blankets as well.

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5)    Stash just a few items of baby clothing in your room.

We bought this handy basket at IKEA.  It’s just the right size to store about 5-10 onesies, a couple of hats, some socks, and a few swaddle blankets.  That’s all we’ve needed on a regular basis these first few weeks.  As he grows his wardrobe will get a little more elaborate (…if his mother has the energy to elaborate beyond a onesie!).

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6)    Buy or make an easy on-the-bed changing pad.

I folded this waterproof quilted sheetin half and pinned the sides together with a few safety pins to keep folded (even in the washing machine).  Gil loves lying on this soft pad in our warm bedroom.  He’ll often look around peacefully and kick away without wanting to be held or tended to.  All my diaper changing supplies are within easy reach right behind me on the dresser and extra clothes are at my feet in the basket under the bed.

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I have to admit I haven’t peeked into any of my friends’ bedrooms to see how they handle sharing a room with their baby.  It never even occurred to me that there could be a system to it until Gil came along, space was limited, and simplicity was my goal.  With two kids under two needing constant attention, there was no longer room in my brain for color-coordinated tote bins!

How have you made simplicity and organization work in small spaces with your baby?  Or what have you admired in friends’ homes?

21 :: in Baby Numero Due, Gil, motherhood, tutorials

life lately

Well, it’s been three weeks and still no internet in our house… sigh. I see the Telecom truck in our neighborhood regularly, but the fire must have done some serious damage as they still don’t even have an estimate about when it will be fixed.  “Domani, domani, tomorrow, tomorrow, they say.

But life has been busy and full with my mom visiting from Virginia and we’ve made do without internet quite well (to my own surprise). Now we’re enjoying a beautiful getaway in a rented villa on the Sicilian coast. More pictures later this week! For now, here are a few more Instagram photos from around home in these early weeks with little Gil.

becca-garber-instagram-2 sweet sleeping newborn
& big sister love in the morning 2013-02-284 one of my favorites from these early days
& miso soup (hard to find in Italy so this will have to do!) 2013-02-283 my sweet little family
& Saturday morning means pancakes and eggs for breakfast! 2013-02-282 my little love
& he looks like he’s up to something 2013-02-280 ok, can’t get enough of the sister/brother snuggles!
& perfect little hands in the lamplight 2013-02-2711 reading, knitting, and snuggling with a wide-awake newborn… lasted about as long as it took to take this picture
& I spent hours of my day (and night) walking this little man to sleep 2013-02-288 reading by the fire
& oh that precious smile! 2013-02-287 Siena and Lena appropriated the toy basket
& just walkin’ around my house with a baby in my arms 2013-02-286 journaling and coloring on the balcony on a sunny February morning
& somehow he stayed awake through all of Moonrise Kingdom 2013-02-285 chubby chubby cheeks!
& Lena teaches Gil how to wear Mama’s glasses
7 :: in family, Gil, home sweet home, husband, Instagram, Lena, life lately, motherhood

double strollers and Sicilian market mornings

Please congratulate me.  I took both kids out in the stroller for the first time today!

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In order to do this, I first had to turn my stroller into a double stroller, which it has never been before in its life.  We got the City Select strollerwhen Lena was a baby because it can be a single or a double stroller.  We also thought we’d have two kids sooner or later.

Sure enough, we had two kids sooner.  Today is also Wednesday — market day in my town — and we’re out of fresh fruit and vegetables in this house.  Time for our first walk… and time for a double stroller!  I watched a YouTube video to figure out how to attach everything in the right places, and pretty soon after about 20 minutes of straps and buckles and an infant wailing and “where’s my phone?”, we were ready to go!

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We walked down the cobblestone streets into the main piazza.  A man with a truck full of fish had just pulled up and started yelling, “Pesce!  Pesce!”  After some discussion, I bought three swordfish fillets for dinner tonight.  The smiling fishmonger swore up and down that they were fresh from this morning and had never been frozen.  Hope he’s telling the truth!

You can see the faded beauty of this old town square as other customers after me line up to buy squid, octopus, and swordfish for their own dinners:

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We walked on, stopping only once for a potty break (oh my), greeting acquaintances as we went.  I received several enthusiastic wishes of “auguri!” (“congratulations!”) about the birth of my son.

Eventually we reached my favorite fruit and vegetable truck (which is where I go on Wednesdays if walking all the way up to the market is too much for me or for Lena).  Besides, I love the cheerful man at this truck, who knows us now and always throws a few extra strawberries or artichokes into the bag for me.

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After I made my purchases, it was time to head home.  As I walked I calculated that I was pushing approximately 90 lbs.  Here’s how I figure:

15 lbs of produce + 25 lb Lena + 10 lb Gil + 28 lb stroller + 10 lb car seat = 88 lbs

And then I got to the final stretch up to our house and had to push all of that uphill!  Talk about getting back into shape!

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And here’s our market bounty this week.  Zucchini, strawberries, 4lbs of oranges and mandarins, 4 lbs of pears and apples, fennel, carrots, pineapple, broccoli, artichokes, and kiwi.  It’ll last us about 5 days and then we’ll be very ready for market day again next week!

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All of this cost me about $25.  Do you think that’s a better price than what you can get in the States?  Sometimes I really don’t know whether I’m getting a deal or whether the prices are pretty much the same… except my produce comes out of the back of a truck!  What do you think?

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18 :: in Italy, motherhood, Sicily

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